this that were way...you..it was all you.

you went off to school.
you say you want me in more than words could describe.
you say when you come home you'll tell me.
you say you miss me.
you say you want to see me.

you were the one that i first lied to mom about where i was so i could be with you.
you were the one who constantly ran across my mind.
you were the one who i wanted to be with constantly.
you were the one my mom liked.
you were the one who i wanted to live my high school years with.
you were the one.

you broke my heart.
not in a way that you think one would.
not in a way i thought one could be broken.

it had been three days.
in the morning.
the morning of homecoming.
a month before i left for a week.
applications were being started and sent.
the middle of semester.
christmas season was starting for dance.
my grades were slipping.
my trip was coming up.
i had to start getting ready for college.

i didnt think it would have stung this much.
i knew you were a player when i first met you.
i knew you were a player when i said yes.
i didnt think i would still be a little upset.

i didnt think the messages would mean so much.
the memories would still mean so much.
i didnt think.

i thought that maybe maybe you actually cared.
maybe just maybe you would be the one.
maybe.

turns out i was wrong.
it was just freeze dried romance.
it was dead from the beginning.
it was dry before it even started.

i didnt think i would feel this way still.
i didnt think i would feel hurt.
i didnt think i would feel jealous.
i didnt think i would feel crazy.
emotional.
confused.
endless.
stopped short.
thrown away.
used.
i didnt think i would feel this way about you.

i miss the way you used to hug me and kiss my head.
the way you had that look from across the room.
the slight brushes of your skin against mine the night we ran around.
the smile not only on your lips but in your eyes.
the way your eyes glimmered in the light.
the joking love in your voice.
the nervous body language i could tell you didnt want me to notice.
the simple text messages.
the good mornings, good byes, good nights.
i didnt think i would miss all of this.
i miss the way you constantly run across my mind.
because now...
now.
its pain.
hurt.
stinging.
chills.
hell.
its the love i used to feel for you.
but can i have it?

no.
you went off to school.