i can only

it was a good day....especally after a two week break.
spent about an hour with my sister before bed, hanging in my room, watching a movie.
went to bed with the sound of a kitten purring in my ear.
woke up, got ready...picked up my best friend.
got to school. parked.
went inside, socialized.
went back to the same old routine.
pledge of allegiance, and the bulletin.
-three questions.
-grade the homework.
-watch a video, answer questions.
-get homework, work on it.
-walk to the next class.
-figure out whats going on.
-work on projects.
-leave.
-turn in homework.
-recieve new homework.
-lecture.
-lunch.
-go to class.
-listen to lecture.
-groups.
-lecture.
-go home.
when i get home, its the same thing.
eat.
chores.
homework.
chores.
but today was different...
today i was yelled at for my grades and taking care of my friends and my little sister.
sorry i am kind enough to take them places so they can run their errands.
you told me you were done running behind me for school.
then i get yelled at.
ill be 18 soon.
then ill be on crutches.
you wont let me do anything even after im off.
im an adult soon.
im a kid still...to you.
i understand youre scared of losing me.
but if you dont let me go, then ill be gone.
if i cant make my own stupid decisions, then i wont learn.
if i cant be a regular teenager, i wont know right from wrong.
ive never gotten in trouble.
if i cant take care of myself, how will i know how when im 503.8 miles away?
if i cant stay up late, go out with friends, hang out with guys then how will i know what to do and not to do in college?
i am not going to call you for everything, i wont be able to.
you have taught me so many things.
i am greatful.
but it is about time i take all these things youve taught me and use them.
i cant wait until im gone to.
i have to use them when i need them and you wont let me.
youve raised me to become someone who i want to be and who i allow myself to be.
yet, you wont let me.
i need support from you too.
ive been supporting you since the day i could walk.
its my time now.
you just wont let me take it.
i need to break free. 
i need you to quit living your life through mine.
i need to live my life through only one set of eyes.
i can only let my eyes see one life.
i can only let my mind deal with only one's  thoughts.
i can only let my heart carry one's feelings.
i can only let my body live one life.
so why did you take mine?
i undertsand youre afraid to let me go when the time is here.
i understand i am the first born and its the beginning of your nest emptying.
but cant you just admit it?
why is everything my fault?
im sorry im such a disappointment.
im sorry i could only carry one life.
im sorry i wasnt who you cut me out to be.
im sorry i took the scissors from you and created someone different.
even after you told me to create my own picture.
im sorry.
it was a good day....