Old Past. Same Weight. New Problems.

i was sitting in my dinning room, quietly.
planning college, apartments, and ideas with my best friends in a group chat.
had some music going from youtube.
saying goodnight to my grandparents.
sipping on water.
and writing a paper for school.
quietly.

then my phone lights up in the corner of my eye.
i pick it up, expecting another crazy stupid idea from one of the girls.
then i look...
i cant believe it...
your name is on my phone.
i blink, re lock and unlock the screen again.
its still there.
thoughts start running through my mind,
my throat hurts,
my hands are sweaty and i want to cry.
not nice things are coming to the tip of my tounge.
what am i supposed to do!?

i unlock my phone with shaky hands, sweaty palms.
its definetly you.
your name wont go away.
i open it.

here it is:
"****** text me I made a mistake
his number
please text me asap
i should have never left
i love you"

those three words....
i tell him i cant text because of stuff thats happened,

he tells me he only has snapchat for tonight...
"im sorry"
~you can explain later, okay (...i said this because i didnt really want to deal with it tonight)
"are you mad at me?"
~i just dont understand
"why i left?..." (me thinking: no dumbass...jeez)
~yea. why anything happened, why you decided to get ahold of me...anything
"because she was like my ex but better..." (there was more but those words, those words are the ones that struck and started the sad 80s/90s love music on youtube and postponed my assignment)
~o
"i made a huge mistake"


it keeps going...
now i am sitting here pausing every few sentences to reply
hating the name on my screen
i just dont understand.

i tried to get you back when you left, but you said no and to fuck it.
then you message me back and proceed to tell me that you found someone who reminded you of the girl before me...
how in the world am i supposed to take that!!

tears are falling on the keyboard as the sneak past the tip of my nose
all i was doing was sitting in my dinning room...
quietly....
discussing my future with my best friends...
quietly...