a confusing interruption

A confusing interruption.
That's what you are.
I was wonderfully happy until your name appeared.
You just waltzed right in without a warning.
Scrawled across my screen; that single letter, not even your name.
It hurt too much.
Why did you deserve your name, of all things, to be written in my phone, if I couldn't be written into your life?
Be the goal you worked towards and wanted.
Like you promised.

But that didn't matter.
It didn't for the last 2 and a half months.
All that mattered was the new girl, and how you felt.
I was shit to you.
I wasn't even worth the mud on the bottom of your boots.

Life for me became better, and brighter.
After I left the dark depths of my purple sheets we once shared.
The blackened room your laugh used to fill.
And the hole in my heart that you had filled only temporarily.

Things began to change, and so did I.
I stared to go out with friends, become a social butterfly.
Believe it or not, I tried drinking.
It didn't last long, a couple sips, and I couldn't bare the taste.
The burn. The horrible smell.
I've been to a couple parties here and there.
And as bad as it sounds, I slept in a couple beds that didn't belong to me.
I drove to Moscow for a couple dumb reasons.
Had
I've spent too much time staying up late, and worrying about how contoured my cheeks were.
But I needed something to fill the void.
The void of you being gone, and me being alone.reL
You had her.
You had someone to hold at night, to love and joke with.
You had someone to share everything we used to do together with.
You had her lips to kiss.
You had her hand to hold.
You had her to call baby.
You had it all.

I had memories that are fading and I'm not so sure are real anymore or not.
I had that pit of my stomach in knots.
I had restless nights filled with empty wishes and full tears.
I had everything you didn't, because you had her.

I look back now and realize that maybe things were meant to be with us apart.
Maybe things just were right at the wrong time.
Maybe this was just a test.
Maybe you were just a confusing interruption.

You did teach me some valuable lessons, and showed happier ways.
You made me believe I was beautiful for just a few short six months.
You also taught me I'm strong enough to get through anything that comes my way, even if the wrong people are around.

You still cross my mind.
Maybe it's certain words that are said.
Maybe it's a picture your mom posts on Facebook.
It could be a truck that is the same color, or make.
It could be the way someone's laugh sounds like yours or the mention of the same name.
Maybe it's something I'm doing that brings back a memory.
Maybe it's these purple sheets I love so dearly that you have a pillowcase that belongs to them.

Who knows what it is.
Maybe it's a mystery.
Maybe it is because you are thinking about me and the reason I'm loosing sleep at night is because you're dreaming of me.

All I know, is you still cross my mind.
And I don't know if I crossed yours because your single, and you missed me.
Maybe because I am the one for you.
But right now, I know that if you ever needed anything or anyone, I'd be there in a heartbeat.
No matter how much I swear I hate you when I'm crying.
How I blame things on you.
How I hate something now because of you.
How my heart is still mending its self together piece,
by piece,
by piece.
How my life and world was flipped upside down because of you, after I got everything glued back together and arranged on the shelves again.

But.
But, no matter what.
You.
S, You.
You will always be a confusing interruption.

A confusing interruption.
That's what you are.