Upside down and inside out.

Upside down and inside out.
Upside down is a new direction.
Inside out is a new direction.
New directions without you.
I headed North, home for 20 minuets.
Tear filled eyes, hoarse throat.
You locked me out.
Goodbye.

July 5th, 2:48 A.M.

The first hour was the worst.
I cried, sweating, on the cold bathroom floor.
The floor colder than your heart you claimed is gold.
I thought was gold.

July 5th, 3:48 A.M.

I was finally able to lay in bed without you.
My cheeks torn apart my tears and snot.
The inside of my t-shirt filled with mascara stains.

July 5th, 4:48 A.M.

Days passed without you.
Along with hours, seconds, and deep breathes.
I slowly began eating.
I began listening.
I began drying my tears and tearing myself away from the purple sheet we used once to share.

July 12th, 12:01 P.M.

I drive away from your house for the last time.
Dirt flying from behind the spinning tires.
Music thumping from speakers.
My life behind me.
Everything good I once knew in my rear view mirror.
Along with the new piece of gold plated copper you'll share your bed with.
You'll kiss, love, and adventure with.
But remember I'll forever be the first passenger in the brand new truck.

July 23rd, 3:46 P.M.

I have now began to understand happiness.
My upside down, inside out life is almost falling into place.
New adventures, new people.
An upside down view of the world is my new vice.
My vice without you.
withOUT you. Damn it feels good to say that.

August 13th, 12:30 P.M.

My best friend is home.
I'm happy.
Our tires hit the road to the city that is sleepless.
The city you promised to take me to.
The songs show up on the radio, online or not.
Our songs.
Trucks fly by, my four wheels dying to beat theirs.
Trucks of same brand, same color, same make, same model.
But the same people will never fill yours.
And that is okay.

August 15th, 6:08 P.M.
I'm home.
We are home, my friends and I.
My life for the past month has been a mess.
But I realized that of course it is.
My world got flipped upside down, and everything was turned over.
But this is a good kind of over.
I've met new people.
I've seen new things.
I've heard new noises.
And I didn't do with you.
No more tears.
No more fingers to lace together.
No more midnight love sessions.
No more weekend adventures.
With you.

August 19th, 2:12 A.M.
Adventures, and experiences have been commenced.
Life has began.
Smiles are genuine.
Laughs are loud and full again.
My nightmares are dreams again.
Midnight adventures sessions are coming to ends until the next day.
And I don't need YOU.

It's been 44 days.
23 hours.
40 minuets.
38 seconds since I've been without you.
And I've never felt so free.
I've never felt not trapped.
I'm me. I'm the music thumpin', hippie-vibin', cat lovin', loud laughin', girl you once fell in love with and you can't have her back.

I'm happy.
I'm in love win life.
I'm in love with myself.
I knew I could count on you for something.
Something, I just wasn't sure what.
I figured it out.
I could count on you to confirm people always leave, the only love you'll ever need is from yourself, and that life is a ride, you just gotta know how to hang on.

Thank you.
I'll forever be thankful for what you do for me, don't get me wrong.
But I'm really thankful for having you to teach me what the difference is between a boy and a man.
And I don't owe you anything.

August 19th, 2:24 A.M.

Im happy living my life.

Upside down and inside out.