thunderstorms starting, lightning striking.

Thunderstorms started, lightning struck. 

My voice, broken. 

My voice, swelling with tears. 

My voice, gone. 

My cheeks were stained with rivers of salty water. 

My eyes cloudy with blackened tears. 

My body shaking. 

My heart aching. 

Everything in a million pieces. 

Nights became long, and lonely. 

Too lonely to be exact. 

Things got dark. 

Darker than when my eyes were closed. 

My body became weak, and my headed pounded with thoughts of your blue eyes looking at someone else's. 

The only silver lining I had was the silver blade between my fingertips. 

The sharp edges. 

The overwhelming desire to be numb filled me. 

The pain felt great, almost like I was with you again. 

Skin became red, and covered for days. 

When someone's fingertips brushed against my skin, and pain shocked throughout my body-almost like it was on fire. 

Then I realized something. 

You were the silver lining that brought so much pain. 

You were the silver lining that was actually covered in dirt. 

You weren't anything I needed. 

I needed something more. 

I needed myself. 

I needed nights in a full face of makeup. 

I needed nights with music blaring. 

I needed nights with friends. 

I needed nights with laughter and cheeks that hurt. 

I needed night with my own clothes-without your approval. 

I started life over, a found my old self and I'm happy again. 

I started wanting to be myself again. 

I started to wear a real smile, and my happiness. 

I started to realize it all again. 

I realized life isn't about fake love, and half smiles. 

I realized I didn't need a boy. I need a man. 

I realized I need love. 

I realized I need true and not fake. 

I need laughs, and real sleep. 

I needed a lot and I'm slowly gettin there. 

New friends, and everything else. I have it. 

It almost seems like my life is together. 

Honey, never settle for a man who isn't going to want to brush his teeth with you or stops dead in his tracks when he sees you without make up on. 

Who watches in amazement when you're doing your makeup and getting dressed in that all black uniform for work. 

Someone who is proud to call you his. 

Because everyday shouldn't start with 

Thunderstorms starting, and lightning striking. 

Okay.

Okay. Just hear me out real quick. Imma mess I know, and a world you don't know. I am a continuous full baggage claim of all my problems, and I may take on too much sometimes. I have a couple of devils sitting on my shoulder, and angel locked in a cage in the back of my head-all telling me good and bad intentions on how to living a "normal" life. My life isn't ever going to be "normal". I wake up everyday with a struggle, and a new ladder to climb...and what looks like a grain of sand to you, is a couple mountains to me. I know I'm a handful-I told you that. You said you wanted to know, and I let you in and you ran..you've left just like everyone else did when you said you wouldn't. The moment you uttered the words "let me think", my heart sank. There is something about you that I want to know more. I want to see every side of you, get to know your habits, your reasonings, your mannerisms. Something pulls me in and I don't know what, I'm not sure why, and I sure has hell doing know exactly what I'm doing-writing this-but let me tell you a few things. I can be a thunderstorm in a desert, or a tornado in a small town, but I will love you more then you have ever been loved. You know why? Because I know what it is like to not be loved enough, not wanted, not cared for. I know what it is like to be alone. My heart, my mind, my body, and my soul are all for someone special-but I learn new lessons along the way. The night I sat in your living room, kissed your lips, and listened to your voice-I was okay-but, as soon as I left, I knew something wasn't right. What in the hell is so damn wrong with me? I know I'm strong, determined, possibly crazy, beautiful, passionate, and caring..but I also know I am lovable. But I just want to be loved by you. I can't get you out of my head right now..I wait for your name to pop up on my phone, but I know it never will. But just remember you are the one that wanted in. You are the one that wanted to know it all. You are the one who asked. I said no, and you kept asking-so I told you, and you ran...just tell me what I did so damn wrong. I'll just hear you out. Okay.

Two Players, One Winner...Me.

Most games you need two people.

But, oh honey, I don't need you. 

Here is to another year on the calendar of my new "birth-year" starting off like hell, and this one is thanks to you. 

A big, fat, loud, THANK YOU. 

Why don't you shove that crown up your ass a little farther and not tell me how it feels. 

Because, I don't care. 

Hell, I'll help you. 

Maybe I'll twist it around like you did with the knife in my back, or the strings you tied to my wrists. 

You put me in a pretty robe, gave me a lesser horse, and a smaller crown and called me your friend. 

You blinded me, and I thought I found another forever friend.

Oops, was I well mistaken. 

You found your so called Prince, over a faintly lit screen and a wireless telephone. 

You asked for your courts approval, it was given, and you blew a gasket. 

All hell broke loose. 

Let's play. 

I may look as if I'm a tiny mouse. 

A mouse your horse is afraid of, honey. 

That crown, is filled with air, that comes out of your ass, which you also blow up other people's asses. 

So, please do your court a favor and stick your nose in the air a little higher. 

Soon, no one will be there to hold your soap box up, and all you'll have is an empty bag of chips. 

Enough of my time, tears, money, laughs, and cares have been spent upon you. 

I'm done. 

A weight is gone. 

I'm happy. 

My life is loud again. 

I can scream and shout, without being summoned to a corner. 

When your Prince shows to just be a Jester, don't come crawling back. 

Cause you can't, honey. 

That bridge burned along time ago, and that path is a burning hell. 

Most games need two people. 

But, oh honey, I don't need you. 

I win.